Update

Wow, where the heck I have been? It's been months since I’ve posted regularly, and I honestly can't give even a halfway reasonable excuse. As I get older (and don't we all? It's a shame...) time seems more plastic and subjective. One day it's Tuesday and I'm looking at the loooong stretch of work week ahead; then I turn around and it's Saturday morning. I go to bed in the autumn, and wake up in winter. Even at our deliberately slow and plodding pace through life, The Tall Guy and I are often caught unawares by the need to flip the calendar - "next month" is actually "this month" and where did it go?

Updates on the home front: The new apartment is wonderful! The Tall Guy's outside work is slowing down, landscaping has a tendency to do that in November. He's been directing all his energy (which is considerable) into the house, and the results knock me off my feet. When we looked at the place, we were thrilled by how clean it was. Well, we were wrong. Turns out the apartment just hides the dirt really well. It was filthy. I mean really, really gross. It took him over a month to put things right, the previous tenants were that nasty. We purchased a small carpet cleaner which he loves. It's a Bissell Quicksteamer PowerBrush Upright Deep Cleaner (whew - what a mouthful!), much smaller than your average steam cleaner and it does a wonderful job. He does all the carpets in the house about once a week. We can really see the difference after a few shampoos. So we now live in a clean house that's all our own, I'm a cooking fool (more on that next time?) and life is great!

Work is going very well. Budget cuts are hanging over us all, there are rumblings of "reorganization" - and we all know what that word really means. But my supervisor told me he would let me know if it was time to worry. So until then, I carry on as usual. I love my new position! Of course, the increased income is terrific. But I love the actual work I do. I love traveling to different offices, working on my own schedule, and NOT having anyone looking over my shoulder. The change in supervisors has made a world of difference in my professional life. From a misogynistic micromanager (say that three time fast) to a laid-back, trusting old soul. I do the work he trusts me to do, he corrects me when I make a mistake, and is always available for support or advice. I am blessed, and appropriately grateful to the universe.

Family: The Girl Child turned 20 last week. WTF? Seriously, 20?? Remember a few paragraphs back when I mentioned time passing at an unreasonable pace? Apply that here in big, bold, italic capitals. The Boychik is finding his way. He’s 18 and has been doing this wandering hippie thing for about two years. It’s making us nuts, but that’s what he wants. After we got tired of banging our heads against the wall trying to “help” him, we all realized he doesn’t want our brand of help. But he’s got a job and place to stay right now, so I pray for him in my own way, and trust that his good heart will work along with the things I taught him to keep him safe. Maybe even happy, who knows? By the way, a common internet source lists the definition of “boychik” as “Yiddish word for a young man with more chutzpah than brains.” Fitting, no?

Happy Birthday, Mom

November is always an introspective time for me. The Girl Child's birthday is one day before my mother's, both are less than a week before my stillborn son Max's birthday. It's a month when I am very aware of the seasons passing, the holidays are coming, the new year is approaching. I remember where I was when my daughter was born, and the million miles I've traveled to here and now. In the last few years I've become conscious of my mother's age (she's 75 today). It scares me a little sometimes. Not much and not often, because my mother is the youngest 75 you could ever imagine. Just listening to her list what she's accomplished in a day makes me feel like a nap. I think of her being the same as when I was in high school - energetic, buoyant, immortal. But the truth is, she's getting older. I want to deny it, make it stop happening, I want her to be here with me when I'm 75.

I have so much love and respect for my mom. She is the anchor of our family, the legend-keeper, the heirloom-maker, she is the root that holds us in place during the storm. I have rarely seen her lose her temper, she is unflappable, strong and just the right amount of silly. She has a vampire fetish that I (and my children) have inherited. She creates amazing things out of beads and thread or glue and glass or fabric and imagination. I have her to thank for my craftiness, my curiosity and my love of words. She does crosswords and never leaves any blank spaces. She deosn't like to cook, and makes no excuses for it. I love that about her. She's good at the things that are important, like cookies & biscuits, giving & receiving, dancing & singing, holding hands & laughing. Happy Birthday, Mom, and many many dozens more to you. I love you always.

And by the way, Mom? Stop buying yourself stuff so I can give you something for your birthday!